36 weeks and 3 days pregnant

and super fat!!! won't dare to say my weight out loud. can't get up so well, walking is definately harder, my back hates standing, peeing so frequently it surprises me. and finding sleeping positions is becoming harder.

so things are getting real close. my body is feeling totally different. resting has become a requirement. my body tells me to just rest and i have been committed to bedrest from the midwife.

tuesday we had a little emergency. for the previous week we had been watching my blood pressure because it was too high for acceptable pregnancy guidelines, and jennifer, our midwife, sent us to the hospital for more tests and she expressed that she was confident they would need to induce that night.

however.... being that there has been no announcement of our baby arrival... things did end up changing tuesday night. after all the results were in jennifer confirmed that i was not hypo-cylamtic but pregnancy induced hyper-tensive. so since i had no other signs of preclamplasia and i was contracting very well and already effaced 70% and dilated to 3 centimeters she wanted to allow my body and baby to naturally determine our timing of delivery. can't tell you how very estatic we were.

honestly an induced medicated hospital birth scares me so much more than a natural labor. i have so much fear for medication interfering with my body's natural mechanicsm's to bring a baby into this world. and the feelings that i would miss out on if i were to be medicated. besides the inventive techniques so horrifying to me, and the largest problem from the medications that would have affects on the baby too. i want to experience and challenge myself to control my emotions and learn to deal and let go to allow this process to occur. i have complete faith that i can get through this and with Christian's help we will create a family that expands its love in the most wonderful way.

so while we are so very excited to meet our little girl she is still taking her time to develop and get all the final tunings. i was sorry that Lindsey and Dad and Mom missed out on the birth. since they were all here for the holiday they would have just conveniently been there. mom and dad will be there anyways but i will miss my sister who has to this moment a connection to be that no-one will ever share. at the same time though this connection is what will allow her to be with me no matter where she is traveling throughout the states. her spirit is always with me.

hope everyone is enjoying the winter wonder land. i know it is hard to deal with the snow, ice, etc. but i hope you all are able to enjoy the beautiful silence winter brings. the full winter skies. and the tender warm feelings it brings.

happy holidays
love